


Decisions

by ClockStrikesMidnight



Series: This Isn't How It Was Supposed To Go [12]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers, Thor (2011)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-01
Updated: 2012-09-29
Packaged: 2017-11-13 08:18:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/501405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockStrikesMidnight/pseuds/ClockStrikesMidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They walked home in silence, Loki trying to figure out what Tony could do to gain his forgiveness, Tony trying to figure out the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decision Number 1

" _Excuse me?_ " Loki hissed, staring down at Tony with widened, horrified eyes. This wasn't happening right? This was a bad dream. This was all a bad dream. Tony never was with Steve. They were happy. Bad dream.

"Marry me, Loki. I can't live without you," Tony says, opening the box to reveal a small silver ring with a green emerald incrusted into the top of it. 

Loki was speechless. He was too mad at Tony right now to think that this was anything but a way for him to try to get him to forgive him, but he was also completely touched that yeah, Tony just proposed to him. Tony was willing to spend the rest of his life with him. Loki cleared his throat. "How about ask me this when I'm not about to skin you?"

Tony smilled lightly. "Is that a maybe?" 

". . .That's a maybe, Tony," Loki said. His voice was still cold, not nearly happy enough for being proposed to, but he was still pissed. Tony had still betrayed him and done what Loki had always feared he would by being with Steve. He wanted to forgive him. He just didn't see how he could. "I want to go home now."

Tony nodded. "Is it alright if I come with you?"

"Well I'm sure as hell not about to let you go back to Steve, so yes, you can," Loki said and Tony laughed. Loki wiped the dried tears from his cheeks with his shirt sleeve, walking down the slight decline down to the sidewalk. Tony reached for his hand but Loki pulled away. "I'm still mad at you."

Tony nodded. "I know. I'm guessing I'm sleeping on the couch tonight?"

Loki thought about that for a while. "You can sleep in my bed if you don't cuddle me."

"Fair enough."

They walked home in silence, Loki trying to figure out what Tony could do to gain his forgiveness, Tony trying to figure out the same. Eventually they get to Loki's house, and only Frigga is home. They exchange small hellos before heading up the stairs to Loki's bedroom. Loki goes to his drawer and gets out Tony's extra pair of pajamas that he keeps there, and throws them to him, getting his own pajamas as well. Tony goes into the bathroom to change and Loki changes when he's gone, getting into bed and turning on the bed side light. 

Tony comes back and lays down without saying a word, laying the farthest that he can from Loki. Loki turns off the light and relaxes into his bed, listening to the sound of Tony's breathing. After about ten minutes he can't take it any longer, and moves over to lay against Stark's back, his arm around his shoulder. 

"I still love you," Loki whispers. Tony makes some sort of noise, possibly agreement but Loki doesn't catch it. Tony turns himself so that he's facing Loki and pulls the taller mans head against his chest, kissing the top of his head. And Loki lets him. 


	2. Decision #2

He wakes up with his throat raw, like he's been coughing the whole night, his eyes blurry and unfocused, and sweat pouring down his face. 

"Shit," he whispers, opening one eye to find Tony staring at him, a tissue box laid between them, and a bottle of water in Tony's hand. "I'm sick."

Tony smiles lightly and hands Loki a tissue. "Yeah, I can see that." Loki takes the tissue just in time for a massive sneeze to erupt through his nose. He blows his nose into the tissue as Tony lifts his hand to rest it against Loki's forehead. "You're really warm."

Loki nodded his head slightly, in a 'you don't say?' type of way. He throws the Kleenex into the waste basket on the side of the bed and reaches for the bottled water in Tony's hand. "When did it start?" He asked after he drank about a fourth of the bottle, only making his throat scratchier. 

"Well you started sneezing at about midnight. I woke up and got you the Kleenex and water about two because you were coughing and sneezing so much," Tony said, reaching behind him to the bedside table to grab an object Loki hadn't identified yet. "Open up," he said, and Loki realized it was a small mouth thermometer. He set the bottle down between them and opened his mouth, letting Tony gently place the clear object in his mouth. "I ran into your mom when I was getting you water. She must have heard you and was doing the same."

"I'm sorry I woke you up," Loki said quietly, not wanting to stress his voice too much. 

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for," Tony said with a small smile, brushing a loose piece of sweat drenched black hair out of Loki's face. He let his hand linger at the back of Loki's neck before sliding his fingers down his jaw to his lips, where he picked up the thermometer. "One hundred and two."

"Good thing it's summer, huh?" Loki said, his nose completely clogged and making his speech squeak. He laid back against the bed on his back, staring up at the ceiling and sniffling wetly. 

"Good thing," Tony said. They were quiet for a while, Tony looking down at Loki from where his head rested against his fist, Loki closing his eyes and concentrating on breathing from his mouth. "Loki, I'm so sorry," Tony whispered and Loki clenched his fist under the blanket. He'd almost forgotten.

"I know you are. That still doesn't mean you're forgiven, though," Loki tried, coughing and sneezing once, for which Tony handed him a tissue. 

"I know," Tony said. 

Loki let his mind run before deciding on what to say next. "I still love you, though. Even though you fucked up to an extreme level, I don't entirely hate you yet. It's going to take time."

"Okay, I can live with that," Tony said. "I just don't want to loose you over this."

Loki's eyes flew open and attached to Tony's face. You were so close, Tony. So close. "As opposed to loosing me over something else?" Loki asked, his tone trying to be laced with poison, but finding it difficult with the sniffles. 

"Loki that's not what I meant," Tony said. 

The younger of the two glared for another moment before deciding he was feeling too awful to deal with this now. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back into the pillows, coughing a few times before there was a knock on the door. "Loki? Are you feeling okay?" Frigga. 

"I'm fine, mom," Loki said, piercing the bridge of his nose so he didn't sneeze again.

"Loki you sound awful, let me in," she said. Loki knew once the woman wanted something she'd never let it go. 

"Fine, come in," Loki said, forcing himself back against the headboard so he could see ahead of him better. 

Frigga's ever bright face popped up behind the door, followed by her body, closing the door behind her. "Loki you look terrible, what's your temperature?" She asked, more to Tony than to her son. 

"Hundred and two," Tony answered before Loki could and the slimmer grimaced slightly. 

"One hundred and two?!" Frigga's volume rose by about five when she said this and Loki clenched his eyes shut, for the sound seemed to bounce around inside of his skull. 

"Mom, I'm an adult, I can take care of myself," Loki said, sensing that the woman was about to step forward and make herself play nurse. 

Frigga didn't respond for a minute before she nodded dismissively. "Alright, make sure to call me if you need anything," she said before leaving and closing the door behind her. 

"What time is it?" Loki asked, sliding back down onto the bed and leaning his arm against his forehead. 

"Eight thirty," Tony said.

"Wake me up before lunch," Loki said and fell asleep only minutes later. 

 

~*~

 

He woke up feeling only slightly better, and went directly to the bathroom seeing as his bladder was about to explode. When he returned he found that Tony had broughten up tomato soup and crackers. 

"Lunch," he said, pointing at the food. 

Loki sat down on the side of the bed and broke apart a cracker to chew on. "You don't need to baby me, I'm capable of getting my own food."

"Right," Tony said and Loki knew he was being sarcastic. "I'm going to take care of you. If you're sick, I'm going to be here for you."

"What if I don't want you here?" Loki asked quietly around his cracker. 

Tony looked hurt and possibly sidetracked at Loki's remark but answered it anyway. "Do you want me here?"

Loki let his eyes wander to a random object in the room before freezing and letting his thoughts unravel. Did he want Tony here? Did he want to find comfort in the man who was still not forgiven? Loki knew this was going to take time, and he knew he needed to give Tony a second chance, because they couldn't move forward if Loki wouldn't let it happen. "Yes," he answered.

Tony smiled. "Alright, then eat your soup, then we're going to clean you up. You look like you just spent a month without a shower."


	3. Decision #3

The shower left Loki's hair curled and dripping on his shoulders, his nose slightly less conjested than it had been before-hand, and a soaking wet Tony who had attempted to turn on the shower for Loki while standing under it like a complete idiot. Loki found himself an old, comfortable pair of pajamas and snuggled into them, letting Tony go and get him dinner that Frigga had made when the time came. 

Loki leaned his head back against the headboard and listened as Tony's footsteps vanished down the stairs, pinching the bridge of his nose to stop from sneezing again. Tony had been incredibly helpful over the day, and Loki knew it was partially for forgiveness, but mostly just because Tony still loved him. He couldn't stop himself from noticing the slightly warm feeling that took over his heart when he thought about the effot Tony was putting into taking care of him, and decided he was getting closer to earning Loki's forgiveness. 

Tony returned five minutes later with Frigga's homemade pepperoni pizza which Loki had adored since he was a child and handed Loki the plate before sitting  down on the bed next to him. "You're mom's a great cook," Tony remarked, biting into one of his slices. 

Loki hummed his agreement and ate his own piece carefully, trying to manage breathing and chewing in his mouth at the same time. He burnt his tongue and hissed under his breath. Tony handed him a glass of water. "Thank you."

"No problem," Tony said, setting the water back on the table after Loki was done. "So, I know this is probably the last thing you want to think about right now. . . but are you going to talk to Steve?"

Loki coughed in shock against the slice in his mouth and burnt his tongue even worse. "Excuse me?"

"I take that as a no," Tony said.

"Yes, that's a no, Tony. Did you honestly think I'd be talking to  _Steve_ before I've even forgiven you yet?" Loki scoffed, leaning over Tony's waist to grab the water and gulping it down heavily to numb his tongue. 

"Not forgiven yet?" Tony asked cautiously. 

"No, Tony. You were close, but you just back-pedaled a bit there with your imbeclic question," Loki mumbled. 

"Sorry, I was just wondering," Tony whispered. 

Loki didn't know how to respond. He had intended to talk to Steve about this eventually, it seemed like he was obligated to tell him how pissed he was at the man, but he hadn't wanted to this soon. What could he even say to him? How would one ever start that conversation? Loki was socially awkward enough as it is without having to worry about guilt speeches. "I know," he ended up saying. 

They finished their dinners in silence and Tony carried the plates back down when they'd finished. He returned with a small bowl of vanilla ice cream with a cherry on top and two bottles of water. Loki fell asleep easily that night, curled tightly and warmly under Tony's arm, his head resting against his rib cage. Tony softly ran his fingers through the still slightly moist curls that was Loki's hair and tried to concentrate on what he was going to do to. He needed to do something to really show Loki that he wasn't going to cheat on him again, something that would show that he was Loki's, and only Loki's. But what could that be? 

Before his eyelids became too heavy for him to stay awake any longer, he thought of it. 


	4. Decision #4

Loki woke up feeling about eighty nine percent better, and perfectly warm under the heat of Tony's body. Tony was still asleep, snoring softly with his head resting against the headboard, a small string of drool trailing down his chin. Loki smirked softly, Tony was a funny person to watch sleeping. He scooted out of the bed, looking at his phone for the time, ten thirty seven, and went to the bathroom to wash his face and brush the gross taste from his teeth. 

He walked down the stairs to the smell of bacon, and Frigga standing at the stove. 

"Good morning, Loki. How are you feeling?" She asked, turning to smile at Loki as he went down the last of the stairs. Loki managed a weak smile and went to sit on one of the table chairs. 

"I feel better, but I'm still sick," Loki said and hoped his mother understood his logic. She smiled her bright, perfect smile and turned to give Loki a plate of bacon and eggs. 

"I understand," she said, sitting down across from him. After what seemed like a long time, and about ten bites of bacon later, she spoke again. "Are you and Tony alright?" 

Loki froze, his skin going cold and his blood freezing. "Of course, why wouldn't we be?" He answered, even though he knew it was no use. 

"Don't do this to me, Loki. I know something is wrong, you can tell me," she said, reaching across the table to grab Loki's hand. 

Loki looked at her, just looked, and noticed every beautiful piece of his mothers face. He loved Frigga more than he'd ever be able to love anyone else, not even Tony. He could trust her. "He cheated on me."

Frigga nodded as if she'd guessed as much. "With who?"

"Steve Rogers. I guess it doesn't truly count as cheating considering that we've never. . . and that they didn't actually. . ." Loki trailed off. 

"It's cheating if he was with someone else while being with you," Frigga clarified. Of course Loki knew that, it just didn't sound quite right. "Did you forgive him?" 

Loki shook his head. "He's trying to make it up to me. I just don't know if anything actually will make up for it. I hope I can, though, I love him, I'll never truly stop." 

"I know, son," Frigga said when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," she said, standing from her chair and walking to the door. Loki listened to the sound of he door opening and tried to identify the voice on the other side but couldn't place it. "Loki, someone is here for you," Frigga called and Loki sighed, standing and walking to the doorway. 

And who awaited him, but Steve fucking Rogers. 

"What do you want?" Loki hissed, not even attempting to play nicely. Steve stood awkwardly with his hands behind his back in a plaid shirt and tan trousers. His hair was perfectly combed and he was too much like the perfect star role model that Loki hated him even more. He was too much like Thor. 

"Loki, I'm here to apologize, I never meant for things to go that way with Tony, I'm sorry," Steve said. 

Loki was unfazed. Too late now, Rogers. "I don't care if your intentions were good, it still happened. Nothing you ever say is going to make up for that," Loki growled, putting his hands in his pockets to keep from strangling Steve. 

"I understand that, Loki, and I know that it's the worst thing I could have ever done in my entire life, and I know you're not going to forgive me, but I'm just hoping that you can accept that I'm sorry," Steve said. 

"No," Loki hissed. Maybe he was being irrational, but he didn't care, he wasn't going to let Steve apologize and just make it all better. Loki heard footsteps from behind him and before he could turn he heard-

"Steve, what are you doing here?" Tony said, his voice from the bottom of the stairs full of anger and sleep. Loki turned to look at him and his mouth fell open lightly. Tony walked up to the two, repeating himself. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to apologize," Steve said. "I can never put into words how sorry I am. I just really don't want a stupid kiss to turn out to be the reason you guys aren't together. You guys are in love and I can't live with myself if I know I'm the reason it didn't last." 

Tony blinked blankly a few times and looked down at his feet, away from Steve. "Loki?" He asked to the floor. 

"I don't accept your apology," Loki said, staring daggers at Steve. If looks could kill. 

Steve looked like he was almost about to cry, but didn't. "Okay, I understand that. I just needed to get that off my chest." Steve left without wanting for a response. Loki closed the door after Steve had disappeared down the street and turned to Tony. 

"I don't forgive him either," Tony said with a weak smile. 

Loki walked forward and gave Tony a hug, squeezing him tightly. "I still haven't forgiven you, you know. But it does help that you haven't forgiven Steve." 

Tony chuckled. "Well okay, that sounds good, I guess," Tony said, pulling Loki away and kissing him on the nose. "Hey, I gotta go home for a bit, I'll call you later, okay?" 

Loki nodded. "Okay, sounds good. I'm still sick, so I'm not doing anything," Loki said and watched Tony leave and close the door behind him. Frigga rounded the corner and smiled at her son. 

"I'm so proud of you, Loki," she said with a smile and went to hug her son.


	5. Last Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, you guys! Hopefully this makes up for it :)

Tony calls him an hour later, demanding that Loki meets him at the park by Happy's ice cream shop at seven o'clock on the dot. Of course, the on the dot reminder is unnecassary, Loki's always on time. Tony also advised him to wear something presentable, something you would wear if you were trying to impress someone. Loki didn't bother to remind him that he'd tried to impress Odin his entire life. He could have gone in shorts and a tee shirt if so desired. 

Trying to push aside the unexcited and still nausious feeling in his gut, he dressed in his one and only black suit that he'd wear to weddings and other social events he was forced into attending. Walking into the bathroom, he winced when he saw himself in the mirror. His hair was oily and curled, draping down across his face instead of laying smooth back like it was supposed to, his nose was slightly puffed from being conjested and blown so many times, and his eyes were reddened and watering weakly, only to have the wetness caught by the large purple bangs hanging beneath. Glorious sight to behold. 

Loki flung his hand into the drawer under the sink for his comb and turned on the faucet, dunking his head and wetting his hair. He blindly grabbed a towel and shook it off, hoping the quick wash would at least get some of the oil away, and combed it back in his usual fashion. He needed to remember to get it cut sometime soon, it was already past his shoulders. He got his toothbrush and wet it under the spray of water, brushing his teeth quickly and washing his face when he was done. 

He did a onceover of himself in the mirror, turning his head side to side to spot any imperfections and thankfully finding none too great. On second thought, he reached over and took the small bottle of cologne that Thor had given to him years ago and sprayed a small mist against his neck. It smelled sour, tart, like green apples, and he loved it. It fit him perfectly. 

Leaving the bedroom he made his way down the stairs, trying quite unsuccessfully to tie his tie on the way down the staircase. Frigga was sitting on the couch facing away from him, talking into her phone to someone - Most likely Thor from the sound of it - animatedly. Loki walked up behind her and tapped her shoulder, causing her jump slightly and turn to face him with a smile. She said a few goodbyes to Thor before setting the phone down on the table. 

"Where are you headed to, Prince Charming?" She asked, her smile reaching almost to her ears as she stood and made her way around the sofa to stand in front of him. "You never did learn how to tie a tie did you?" She asked, lifting her hands to undo the knot he'd inflicted on his neck and smoothing it against his chest evenly before tying it herself. 

"I have you for that," Loki said with a smile he hoped looked sincere. He loved Frigga more than he could ever put into words, and he hated the thought of not seeing her everyday once he went off to college. 

"You'll learn eventually," Frigga replied with, her hands making quick work of the green fabric. "So tell me, where are you going?" 

"Tony wants me to meet him somewhere, told me to dress up," Loki said truthfully, letting his fingers absentmindly pick at the ends of his sleeves. 

"Hmm," Frigga hummed, finishing with the knot before looking into Loki's eyes. "He's trying for your forgiveness, Loki."

"I know," Loki said under his breath, trying to get his gaze away from his adopted mothers without much success. 

"I think you should give it to him," she admitted, lovingly running a few fingers down the side of his face down to his chin, where she pointed his face at hers. "You might not understand why I say you should, but I've never seen you happier than you are when you're with Tony. And one stupid,  _stupid_ mistake shouldn't be what ruins you both." 

Loki nodded in agreement. Of course the woman was right. "I'm going to." 

Frigga smiled and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Then try not to be too late, okay?" She said and made her way back around the sofa and sat down, crossing her legs and laying her hands on her knees. 

Loki nodded and turned to leave, before stopping and turning back instantly to hug his mother from behind. Yes,  _his mother._ She'd never be anything but. Frigga sighed quietly and patted Loki on the cheek. "Come on, Loki, you don't want to be late." 

Loki smiled widely and released her, going to the door and closing it swiftly behind him. The sun was only just beginning to set, and it burned brightly hanging above the horizon. Loki decided to walk, since it wasn't that far anyways, and let the warm summer air rejuvinate him and clear up his sinuses if only a bit. Digging his hands into his pockets he kicked at little pebbles as he made his way down the sidewalk, trying to think of what Tony could have in mind. Eventually he made it to the park, and he had to blink a few times before he knew he wasn't dreaming. 

What awaited him were dozens upon dozens of red roses, some petals laying scattered on the ground, others hung in vases on tree trunks. The little park bench was covered in a white sheet, and Loki would have normally gaged at the cliched gesture, but it only made him slightly light headed at the romance of it. 

And then there was him. 

Sitting so damned perfectly on the edge of the bench, silver suit and black tie, brown hair spiked just right on his head, his hands clasped around another red rose. "Hey," he whispered with a hesitant smile. 

"Hi," Loki said, walking through the blood red covered grass to stand in front of Tony. 

"Right on the dot," Tony said with a tap on his watch face and a crooked grin. Loki nodded and looked at the watch, which read exactly seven. 

"What's all this about?" Loki asked and Tony's smile faltered only a bit. 

"This is us," Tony said, standing so that he could take Loki's hands in his. "Each rose pettle is a day we've known each other. I want to remind you of how we were before. . . before," Tony said cautiously and Loki's eyes narrowed slightly. "Do you remember when we first spoke to each other? Thor was hauling me into your bedroom and demanding that you keep me company." Tony paused to give a shaky laugh. "And I can remember the look you gave that oaf down to the barest details." Loki smiled and rubbed circles on the skin of Tony's hand. "I didn't think of you anything other than Thor's little  brother at the time, but then I started to watch you, the way you just read your book and acted like I wasn't there. It entertained me more than it probably should have.

"Then there were those fricken cheese balls that I threw into your mouth at lunch, that was the first time we'd talked since then. I couldn't believe you, Loki Odinson, were actually allowing me to throw small, puffy balls of cheese into your mouth from across the lunch room table and I laugh every time I think about your expression when I brought it up," Tony said with another shaky chuckle. 

"God no," Loki repeated. He remembered, too. He remembered it all. 

Tony nodded and continued. "Then the dance. Loki, I was so nervous you weren't going to come, but then I found you and I thought to myself, 'I've got to do this'. So I took you away and I remember you hugging me, how I felt the moment your skinny arms were around my back and I thought I could have died it was so simple." Tony's tone suddenly deepened and his brown eyes locked with Loki's. "And I kissed you just like this," he said, laying his lips on Loki's nose and kissing him as softly as he had that night. Loki didn't need to wait for him to finish his sentence before pulling his chin down and kissing Tony with the hesitance at first before sinking into his arms and feeling him, like reliving a distant dream. And it felt so right, so how he wanted it to last. 

"And you kissed me just like that," Tony said once they seperated. "I was so happy I could have cried." 

"I'm so glad you didn't," Loki interjected and Tony chuckled. 

"And we learned everything about each other, we learned about how much of jackasses our fathers were, about how hurt we'd been and still were. We helped each other overcome obsticles I never would have defeated if not for you," Tony said. "Then you left. You left and you took every part of me with you. I wasn't myself, Loki, I had damn bottles surrounding me, and it was all because you were gone for the stupidest reasons, that I'd stop loving you or get over you. I drank my troubles away, didn't let myself die, just let myself sink."

Loki felt the tears in his eyes when he remembered how he'd found Tony, laying on his bathroom floor, smelling like death and vomit and hurt. How worried he'd been in the hospital, just waiting for him to come back, waiting to apologize. 

"Lastly I remember your face when you walked in on me and him. I remember how much I just wanted to grab you and bow down at your feet and apologize from the deepest part of my soul for doing that to you. You were gone again, but this time it was  _my_ stupid decision that made you leave." Tony's eyes were brimming with tears and the hold he had on Loki's hands tightened. "I just thought back to everything, to the moment when you came to my house and kissed me senseless because you found out you were adopted, or when you called me in the morning to have ice cream for Christ's sake." Tony let out a tattered, humorless laugh and shook his head as if clearing it away. "I thought for sure this time I'd lost you for good. But you gave me a chance for redemption, to prove that I still was worthy enough to have you with me, and I'm not going to blow it this time." Tony rubbed the heel of his hand across his eyes and dug for something in his pocket. "I hope that this time around you might be able to understand why I'm doing this." 

Tony got down on one knee in front of him, the wind rustling his hair and making the pettles on the ground dance around them. The small velvet box in his hand was opened, revealing the ring. "So Loki, I hope you know that this isn't for your acceptance, or in some way me making up for what I did. This is me telling you that I  _want,_ no,  _need_ to spend the rest of my life with you. If you feel the same way, you'll understand when I ask, Loki, will you marry me?" 

Loki's breath caught in his throat despite being fully prepared this time. Tears swam down his cheeks and a shattered sob escaped his lips as he remembered Frigga's words " _I've never seen you happier than you are when you're with Tony. And one stupid,_ stupid _mistake shouldn't be what ruins you both."_ "Yes," he said, and let Tony slide the ring onto his finger before dropping to his knees and hugging the man who was now  _his,_ not ever wanting to let go. 


End file.
